How many of you have seen a meteor with your own eyes? Being able to stand under a clear night sky and watch meteors streak overhead has always been a lifelong wish of mine. Looking back, that day was almost four years ago. I checked the time, put on my jacket, climbed to the top floor of the dormitory, and sat on the steps waiting for that moment that only appeared in dreams. But they said Beijing nights never show stars, let alone here in Beijing's Chaoyang district. By eleven o'clock, an hour had passed since the predicted meteor shower, and I sighed, rubbing my dry eyes as distant lights left lingering afterimages on my retina. A friend who was watching meteors with me also seemed unable to wait any longer. He turned to me, still looking up, and said: "Should we go back?" "Let's wait another half hour." However, the half hour passed quickly. Looking at the thick clouds in the night sky, I thought no meteor could survive burning through those clouds. My body leaned back, my tense eye sockets gradually relaxed, blinking along with the stars behind the clouds. At that moment, my slightly tired eyes instinctively caught a glimmer of light, dragging a trail as it swayed toward the bottom of my vision, tearing through the night sky like lightning, easily recognizable, arrogantly showing off its difference from other meteors, then quickly merging with the darkness. The brief appearance of that meteor left my friend and me speechless for a while. On the way downstairs, I kept thinking whether I was too lucky or if it was a surprise easter egg from heaven. I still don't have an answer, but the beauty and wonder of that night will forever remain with me, planted like a seed in my heart, growing wildly.
If meteors are easter eggs that the universe plants for humans in life, then I'm fascinated by many other easter eggs. Some seem unreasonable, even meaningless. Shakespeare is an easter egg buried in the 1611 first edition of the King James Bible (perhaps), rabbit jewelry is the eternal easter egg of "Masquerade," so what is my easter egg? At twenty, my answer might be the beauty and meaning of being alive. I don't know when it started, but I began yearning for the moon—it's my ultimate comfort as a living individual. My avatar uses an astronaut, my bracelet says "Moon Exploration," my favorite game is "To the Moon," even the anime I recently fell in love with ends with going to the moon, the astronomy competition I participated in was about the moon, and I always want to build that damn moon base on that damn moon.
I clearly understand that this moon "easter egg hope" is so distant, easily crushed by reality, shattering me along with it. So I try not to dwell on the daily ups and downs, always maintaining curiosity about the future, waiting for the next moment of wonder and beauty like waiting for meteors. A college friend asked me: "Why do you think grades aren't that important?" I didn't tell him my real thoughts. Compared to actually getting an A, I care more about moments when knowledge makes me shudder with awe and reverence. Recently studying discrete structures in computer science, the professor said in class: "We're not just proving this mathematical proposition, we're telling a story, a story that could move God." When I witnessed those proofs so concise they reached perfection, the impact on me was no less than seeing a meteor. These moments of surprise extended the joy brought by my five senses and other physiological pleasures—it's a truly pure joy that seems to free me from the shackles of personal achievement. It's so awe-inspiring. Perhaps like going to the moon to build a moon base, although absurd, it's where my heart points, an ultimate reverence for myself. If one day I might submit to reality, no longer looking up at stars or thinking about moon base matters, losing that "sweet fusion of fantasy and fear," I would be very sad and heartbroken.
I once had a conversation with friends that felt very interesting, which I recorded in my memo: Kun: "Going to the tea restaurant on Saturday?" Shi Ding: "Let's go" Miss Stacy: "Let's go" Kun: "Let's go" Miss Stacy: "Meet at the entrance in 10 minutes" Kun: "Already bought Middle East tickets, have your visas come through?" Miss Stacy: "Mine's almost ready" Shi Ding: "My Mars immigration certificate is ready" Kuan Kuan: "I'm already in the Mars underground city, our engine is igniting" Me: "Alright, then I'll cancel my spaceship ticket to the black hole"
Tonight, after frisbee team training ended, I walked back toward the dormitory next to the castle. A train rushed past with a roar, jet planes painted contrails across the sky. I tilted my head, and there were soccer and baseball teams still training. Standing aside watching the catcher practice, after a while, I pulled out my phone from my pocket—it was Mom sending me a message: "Twenty years ago today, a boy was born into this world. In the delivery room, crying when he wanted to, resting when tired, the quiet delivery room listened to him alone playing music." I replied: "Wow, that's quite beautiful." Suddenly, I reaffirmed the question my high school principal once asked me: What do you think people live for? I thought about it then: "To experience." Everything I experience are easter eggs given to me, and I'm grateful for them. Reading a book, visiting a city, climbing a mountain, meeting an old friend, loving someone—some require no effort, others require much, because life itself is another kind of reverence for me.
I usually have poor memory, often relying on memos and photos to remember many things from the past, and I occasionally browse through old files on my computer. Finally, at this special time, I reviewed my phone album again. Since I didn't have a phone before sixteen, I organized some easter eggs from after sixteen. Some photo stories are short, just a few words; others are long, with stories that can't be finished in a few sentences. Because I regularly clean my album, many memories were moved to time's recycle bin, never to be restored. So the photos and stories below are what I decided to preserve during each cleanup (there are actually many more):
2018/2/4
First encounter with Moon Exploration. This is the final project work from Moon Academy's winter camp architecture workshop. The person in the photo should be Michael Chen, a very good friend at the time. But we haven't been in touch for a long time.
2018/9/29
Boost Weeks working on projects together in the Energy group. Later, four of this group became Makerspace members. We made energy blocks for use in 2049. Later at the exhibition, someone broke them and we couldn't fix them.
2018/11/24
I found this from the storage room, this spotlight is still preserved in Makerspace today.
2019/1/24
I'm in Mumbai, India. This photo was taken by Strawberry Sister.
2019/6/21
Me and Rob.
2019/7/16
Koshien's sky. Really glad I went to Japan alone, traveling from Kyoto to Hyogo for "pilgrimage." At that time I really liked baseball, so I have no regrets.
2019/11/11
With all Project T members in Yanbian. I'm standing on the national gate looking at Wonsan city in North Korea in the distance.
2019/11/12
Following the above, cycling together in Yanbian. Everyone above is doing their own thing, but surprisingly harmonious.
2019/11/25
The small house built together with several people at the Bigger Than Me event, finally made into an art creation by Teacher Mowen. Because of this small house, I decided to join Makerspace and become a little maker. From then on, my original intention was simple: there's nothing in this world that can't be solved with one hammer; if there is, then give it another hammer.
2020/1/6
The translated book couldn't be published, but so what?
(Date unknown)
Me after cleaning up Makerspace, by Jaguar.
2020/10/12
Xu Qiaohan's eighteenth birthday gift to me. When I was seventeen, she gave me Rousseau's "Discourse on the Origin and Basis of Inequality Among Men." That book was quite difficult to read...
2020/10/21
A joke from Yif's math class: polar coordinates vs. Cartesian coordinates.
(Date unknown)
A Makerspace Build Night at the old campus. Among all the photos of such activities in my album, I like this one the most. Maybe the ones we organized later weren't as good as before. I really liked the blue shirt I was wearing, which said "Doing" on it. Later I lost it.
2021/3/21
The frisbee cup incubator team's only collective training, I'm the one squatting on the ground.
2021/4/10
Playing a match with Shi Ding on Gulangyu Island in Xiamen, forgot what he was eating. He was so thin back then!
2021/5/9
Saw this scene through the window.
2021/7/2
Last time with good friend Daniel He in Makerspace.
2021/7/4
Me after being thrown into the sea when going to Beidaihe to watch the sunrise at graduation ceremony.
2021/10/4
"Who will help me pick up those shattered dreams?" Only I can.
2021/12/5
Taken by Kun, in the big courtyard in Chaoyang, before going to Brandeis to study.
2022/5/19
Participating in DIII National Championship in Milwaukee, Wisconsin while in college.
2022/10/4
Actually found the script written with famous director Yuan Dao before he became famous from my computer. This ending is incredibly ironic in today's magical realism.
2022/10/8
Didn't leave many photos of myself in 2022. This one was taken by Alisa when I went to Voice of China auditions to play with the camera.
FIN:
Hope the future remains spirited and unyielding, without hesitation, without hesitation, without discouragement; at the same time, hope that if the moment of losing myself comes, friends will remember my name. Happy twentieth birthday to me—
「End」